it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
