if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will be naked everywhere
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
