He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is the high leading the old right now
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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