dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
