and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
