I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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