She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
