i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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