She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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