girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
