He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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