i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
