East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked