I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO