Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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