Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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