Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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