Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
