I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
