watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
