my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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