you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
