marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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