i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
