Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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