hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
