There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
