Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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