oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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