Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
