How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
