you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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