when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
