just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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