I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
