I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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