wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
