you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
