I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
