Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
