why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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