You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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