I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
