I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
