So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
