Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
