well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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