Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize