hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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