omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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