i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
