On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
