if you like me you must not know who I am
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
