Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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