the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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