the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
