): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
