Dual....:-)
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my phone needs a breathalizer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
