My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
