I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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