4 words: hood of his car
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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