I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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