Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
