do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
