margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Holy shit dude........stairs
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