when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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