Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
