I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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