Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
