living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
