some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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