Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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