Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
