eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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