Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize