Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
