I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
