omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
